Sunday, November 10, 2013

Is the "simple" life worth a try?...

Tomorrow I hit the 24 week mark of my pregnancy, truly realizing that I have less time ahead of me than behind me. It's really exciting, but scary at the same time.

I know that this little boy is coming into the world greatly loved and will be well taken care of. Though I am not concerned about him, I am greatly concerned about his mother. :-\

As much as I know that I can do this, I really have a lot of concerns about a lot of things. I think that any mother would fill this way, but mine are more personal in nature: Will this independent woman be able to my son's father (and his do-so-much-differently-than-me ways)? Will I even end up having a baby shower since I'm tired of hearing everyone's input about it? Will I be able to still feel like me and be an individual with more responsibilities? But most importantly, will I ever stop being able to plan the next move and just take life day-by-day?

I wish sometimes that I could be more like the girls who are able to be happy, stay at home moms, cleaning up after their messy male counterparts and taking care of the household responsibilities. But when I see them-in real life- I realize that I couldn't do it! So meany of them have long nails and low self esteem, having wanted nothing more than to do nothing but be "simple" girls all their lives. With as much as I would love to be a simple girl, and be nothing more than my baby and baby-daddy's keeper, having the idea that "my own" was important has been ingrained in the brain. No matter what I do, that will never go away...

And THAT is what gives me hope that I can still be me. That even if I live a different life than the one I'm used to, it will never be the "simple" one. Hey, all I can do is try... which for me is a constant, daily struggle of compromise and letting even the most annoying of aspects in.

2 comments:

Bronz Khrome said...

you're always contemplating life as if it's so hard for your ass to act normal. Jeez, get over yourself already.

AngelQT said...

I don't find it "normal" to write comments like this on someone's blog. Were you sober or drunk when you typed this? And why has it taken you so long to revisit my page? I missed you, love...

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