Where should AngelQT spend her 32nd birthday?...

Saturday, November 15, 2014

Birthday Changes

I actually think that I will be taking my birthday poll down. I have decided that 32 will be a birthday spent locally rather than trotting the country. This comes after thinking that I will need to plan Zavier's 1st birthday just 2 weeks prior, and that I really do just want to keep things low-key. (Gasp! The mom in me is catching up to the adventurer in me...;-)

I'm not quite sure how the evening will look quite yet, but it may be a birthday celebration with family on one night and another with just a few of the close girlfriends in the city. So, if you have any suggestions of things for a (young, fun) mom of almost 32 years to do, hit me up. In the meantime, I'm off to plan a 1st birthday for an adorable little boy! :-P

Just Fine

A friend of mine told me recently about a study she'd read. In surveying many Americans, most thought that they should be happy- most of the time, if not happy. With a Declaration of Independence that states our rights as Americans to "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness," it only seems to make sense that most of us would think this way.

Yet, of course life isn't always a happy place. The mere fact that we are human, that we are fallible, fragile beings with emotions that send us all over the place, we are going to find ourselves in unhappy situations. But though these inevitable times will suffice, we can decide how to react to them. Sadness or displeasure may occur, but we can get over them in time and with the right mindset.

So let's talk about the avoidable situations that make us unhappy...should we stay in them? If we have the right to be happy and the means to walk away, shouldn't we? Why would anyone stay in a situation that they do not have/need to if they can get out? I've started asking myself this question more over the past few months in regards to my relationship. My boyfriend is a great dad and a good, well-intentioned person. But our means of getting together was quite the whirlwind. After on a short time dating, I found out I was pregnant. We made the decision to try to mesh our lives to see if it work. After almost 2 years, I think he and I can both agree that the road has been rocky. I think that the rockiness is unnecessary because I feel that I am finding myself thinking that I would be more comfortable without it than trying to continually work through it only to land right back at square one. He, on the other hand, seems to believe that we should stay in it for our son...who is only 8 months old! Um, I see that as a long way to go of fighting...and not the good kind. What message is that going to send to him? The wrong one, I feel. And that is the last thing any good parent would want to do.

I also believe that my son will be just fine if my boyfriend and I decide to...live apart. I cannot say the same for us...living under the same roof. This comes after counseling, after trying my hardest to feel comfortable in my new life together, after even reminding myself of the love we both have for each other and for Zavier, and even after recounting all of the good that my boyfriend is. So what does that mean?

I wonder if I am being overly-dramatic. Perhaps I should be grateful for the guy that I have. But I already am. I appreciate all of his being. I'm just not sure the full package-or even the majority of it- is right if I have more moments of happiness than overall happiness. My counselor reminded me that I have gone through a lot over the past 2 years. And right now my main priority is to be a good mom. To me, a good mom is a happy mom. She is a mom who is secure with herself and in her relationship. She is a mom who feels free to be herself. She is a mom who is secure. I want to be THAT mom! Instead, I am being called "selfish" for wanting to break up our family; that being under the same roof is more important than how we relate to each other there, etc. Umm...not buying it.

Rethinking how my relationships have gone in the past, this new pondering of thought process does not seem that foreign to me. It very well could be that I subconsciously self-sabotage. It could be that I don't really want anything truly obtainable. It could be that being chronically single fits my independent personality OR even that it is masking my fear of commitment. Maybe even all of the above. I can explore all of that in the future to make sure I am progressing as I move forward. Today, in the "here-and-now" though, I can only be honest with myself. Tomorrow is another day to process, to really decide what is best, and to know that it will all be just fine in the end.

Friday, November 7, 2014

November has arrived...

November has arrived. On the schedule...

  • 12 hour night shifts for the honey (=single parent for me 6 nights per week...)
  • Sick baby boy! (=Concerned, sleepless mommy with quickly dwindling sick days
  • Shopping! (I need a winter wardrobe that currently fits and can change with my changing body)
  • 30 minute daily exercise on my new bike (which is FABULOUS, by the way...:-D)
  • Nutritional counseling
  • Seeking out a personal trainer
  • Hanging with a few friends0
  • Parent-Teacher conferences (= evening hours and Zavier with the grandparents for a week...)
  • Thanksgiving break! (Whoo hoo!)
  • Possible family trip to Boston (We will see how we feel after Thanksgiving...
Not to mention my regular work and meeting days...My students are already counting down to Christmas!

November has arrived.

Saturday, October 25, 2014

Biker Moms

My mom is the best! I was telling her all about my exercise woes and she began sharing her exercise triumphs. One of which was her success with the Weight Watchers Points Program. That coupled with her exercise routine is causing her to get and keep her weight down. She suggested that me being the new mom do the gym as I am able, but understood my plight in not being able to do so as often as I would like. I asked her what she thought about a treadmill. I had been considering one for a while, but had some concerns with it being so large, bulky and stationary, especially with a new crawler around. She agreed, but emphasized how much her regular bicycle had been helping her out. "So what about a portable exercise bike?" she asked. Brilliant! Not only could I get cardio in that way, but I could also move the bike out of the way and into another hallway or walkway when not in use. I found the PERFECT one on wayfair.com and for the perfect price (Top Cashback.) Well, I already have my scooter that my hunny bought me to help me save on gas and now this bike to save on calories...Score!...As I view some of the new healthy recipes that my mom is currently e-mailing me I'm feeling even more in shape. Hehe. Hey, Guess mom really does know best... :-P
plus a 5% cashback discount from

Too good to pass over... ;-)

I came across 2 links this week that I just had to share. They made my traveling-hearted day...

Want to go to Copenhagen, Reykjavik or London on the cheap? Check out WOW Air. They are having a sale now on summer fairs from certain US cities.

Ah, Spain. You will always live in my heart. This Buzzfeed article reminded me of 41 reasons why...

Man, could I go for an authentic shawarma right now! The Palestinan guys near my Granada apartment did it best. Sigh. And with that- and the changing weather- I think that I am going to have to make an Azteca tonight...

Life in Stride

This past week was rough! I'm actually at home sick trying to get myself back together. My mom was kind enough to keep baby boy so that he wouldn't become susceptible to his mother's contamination and so that I could sleep of this virus. The cold remains, but the fever is down and my energy is up. I'm really blessed to have such great family on both sides who love us all so dearly.

But feeling bad physically is a result of staying busy and doing a lot of running around for things that make me feel good. I spent a lot of evenings this past week doing extracurricular activities such as a concert with the boyfriend, a meeting with a local friend and a counseling session, all things that brought about some fun. And though I still had to get up daily for work and take the little one to the doctor on Thursday afterward, I like my job and my got a good report about Zavier's health. So, all's well that ends well...

One of the things that the counselor reminded me was that I need to slow down, do things little by little, take life in steps and in stride, ask for help when I need it, and don't be ashamed to be human. This is why as soon as I felt that I was coming down with something, I called my mom to help with Zavier. As hard as that was to "allow myself" to need help, she obliged, naturally. In fact, she is having the time of her life with that boy. I probably won't be able to pry them apart when I go to get him tomorrow... ;-)

So that means today I have a chance to recuperate and take it easy. I can do what I can around the house and go easy on doing it, while not at all feeling guilty. I've already addressed a card to my niece, brought some winter clothes from the attic and payed some bills. So I think sipping tea for a bit will be well warranted...

;-) :-) :-D

Saturday, October 18, 2014

To the mountaintop!

I do not even know where to begin. Recently I've been feeling a little limp. It's almost like I have on these brand new, ultra-grip sneakers, but can't get my grip as I'm climbing the mountain. It's like I know where I want to go, but between my emotional and physical state and lack of time I am unable to reach the top.

I started talking to a friend about it and she seemed to agree with me that counseling may actually just be the best thing for me right now. Interestingly enough, I got home that same evening and my boyfriend mentioned it too; Without me even saying a word he read me like an open book seeing that I am off. I have been saying since Zavier was born that I should go talk to someone to help me sort out my feelings and regain a sense of normalcy, but I must admit that even THAT idea makes me stressed wondering how I am going to fit one more thing into my schedule. Yet, [the counselor] would probably be able to help me figure that out, so...yeah.

I have a degree in counseling, so the idea of going to see one is not at all upsetting. In fact, I am welcoming the idea, because I am realizing that I am not myself and that everyone around me can see it. However, they remind me that the core of me is still there, and that I can climb that mountain. All I need is to understand how to place my feet. That takes re-training. That takes remembering how I did it before with some minor tweaks now that I am carrying some new cargo. Yes, I am still a climber, but I am one who is looking at a new method. And I am realizing that even the best of us need to regroup, reorganize and refocus. When we don't know how to do that, we ask for help. And THAT right there is what is going to get me to the top!