Saturday, May 23, 2015

Summer is Enough

Only 18 more "wake-ups" before summer vacation! Whoo, hoo! I am counting down to all of the activities that I have planned for lil' man and I already: the zoo, the local children's museum, and special trips to see Elmo and Big Bird!

The great thing about being an educator is that I get into some of the local attractions for free! And my city has a TON of them to offer. Not to mention some really clean, fun parks/playgrounds too. The Jersey shore is on the list too, right behind our trip to Florida to visit my brother. And in there lie my trip to Ohio/Indiana/Illinois and some swim lessons...

So that, along with my planning for my high school teaching, online grading job, a few mystery shops, and 2 online classes are all I plan on doing this summer. Think that's enough?...

Trust the Process

Last evening, my mother went to visit the church of a pastor whose teachings she has admired for years. She said that during the service, the pastor, who does not know her personally, turned to her specifically and stated, "Don't worry about your son. It is all going to work out. No bullet is ever going to harm him. Because of your dedication to God, he will protect those that you love."

First of all, my mother is a very spiritual person and believes in the gift of prophecy that some of God's people possess. This statement was even more powerful though, because my brother is currently going through the interview process to become a police officer for our city's transportation authority. He has been making the transition from teaching to this new field, and having a bit of a rough time between working part-time, trying to get through this new phase and living at home. We have all been continually encouraging him to stay the course because it is going to pay off.

Yesterday was his final interview, and based on the pastor's statement I responded, "Well, I guess that means he's officially in, huh?" Only to have my brother come downstairs 5 minutes later to tell us that he rocked this face-to-face interview, and that he had also been invited to take the test to become a TSA agent, which would be yet another accomplishment on his way to becoming a Homeland Security Officer, as he one day really wants to do.

It's a process. It requires patience, dedication and faith.

This story is just one more reason why I, too, am going to trust the process. After my 3 decades of life here on Earth, I am finally starting to understand while sitting still and doing what I feel best is best. If I truly believe that I have a purpose, that if I am constantly trying to be the best me that I can for the glory of God, in no matter what I do-be it right or wrong- I will always succeed. But it is a process. I fall short every day. I learn a bit more about myself and my needs every day. And it is because of my past that I will flourish in my future.

It's a process. It requires patience, dedication, faith and self-understanding.


I trust the process.

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Behind the Screen

As I go further into mommy-hood, I am finding that I have less and less time to blog. So I have toyed with deciding whether or not I should even continue to blog at all or not. Especially since I have also been receiving some very nasty comments from an "anonymous" poster for quite some time now. In fact, I had to actually start to monitor my posts because of the things that would be so offensively posted on my page, no just to me, but also to my readers.

Another reason that I didn't publish these is because I know who they are from, and figured that he either wants attention or that his drunkeness or personal issues with his own mother have come to light- yet again. But if it's attention, here goes. Here are some of the most recent posts from one of my angry exes:

1-4 of 4 
you should have never had a child out of wedlock you dumb bitch on As they come along
Anonymous

You sick whore....i bet you were all for Michael Brown's thuggish ass. You were never good at common sense. Seeing that you NOW have a bastard baby, it is confirmed how stupid you are. Try growing up, Angel on The Time to Share
Anonymous

And that's not even the half. Now, I could come all out and say somethings about him, but why? And Or I could just deactivate my blog to make it stop. But it wouldn't stop. He'd find some other way to try to get at me. This is what crazy people do. So I might as well let my out-of-wedlock-baby having, dumb-bitch-with-two-Masters-degrees being, stupid-Michael-Brown's-thuggish-loving self keep on writing. I mean, it only seems right so that I can continue to give his sad existence meaning. But this is the only time. I refuse to start an internet battle and use my blog for anything other than my own message of my life in the manner that I choose to live and feel comfortable with it. Because all of my shit is wide out in the open. I'd rather just not live behind the screen...

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

The Time to Share

I started thinking about our family vacation last summer. My brother, son, parents and I spent 3 days and 2 nights in the beautiful mountains of the Shenandoah Valley in Virginia. This vacation I "won" after entering a contest at Pizza Hut and being contacted for a timeshare presentation. My brother and I took the 8 hour, round trip trek the previous summer to be solicited for purchasing property at the resort. We walked away without buying, but with $275 in  gift cards, a trip to revisit the resort within a year and 2 other trips nationwide (one of which we used the following summer to also go to Orlando, FL).

Though many do not subscribe to the timeshare free trip deal, I'm all good with it. In fact, I loved my last experience so much that I started looking for others of the same caliber. After doing an internet search and reading blogs, I found a few. Before next summer, my family and I will be walking away with a 4 day, 3 night trip to Williamsburg, VA and an extra $100 just for attending the presentation.

I'm not much for the buying of timeshares, but I'm definitely down with taking some of their perks. A friend of mine has urged me not to get sucked in, but I honestly don't see that happening. I can't afford it. So is this practice unethical- taking a trip with out planning to buy? Perhaps, but I would have to say that attempting to push a property on me is as well. I know, I know: 2 wrongs don't make a right. But they do make for a good family vacation!

Saturday, April 18, 2015

Half and Half

At the end of 2014 I made the decision to move back to the city. I was living in the suburbs close to the school district in which I teach, but wanted to be closer to family so that I could have more help with the baby. This has made for a lengthy commute which is taking time away from my life overall, so I am in the process of applying for jobs in this.

Though I do not want to teach in the city schools, I was thinking about a private school or university job at this point. I would love to work for a non-profit doing some counseling or social work, but that would require a pay cut of up to half of my salary. Plus, I'm just not sure that would be something I would like doing.

To add to my "dilemma," I found that I am being transferred to a high school in the district where I teach next year. I am extremely happy for this opportunity, and am thus feeling the decision to change jobs all together even the more difficult. Truth be told I have a sweet gig and don't want to give it up despite the long commute. I am going to have to trade off somewhere no matter what I do, so perhaps the commute is the best trade to make???...

I'm finding this even as I prepare to move into my own place. In fact, I am actually thinking that living with my parents one more year rather than moving to another place- in a city location where I don't want to live just to be closer to my son's grandmother who would watch him daily free of charge, only to have to move again in a few years when he goes to school- is not the best idea. I really need to live in the present right now.

So I'm trading off a commute for a job with more security and provision of financial (and social) stability.
I'm trading off free babysitting for the cost of rent.
I'm trading off my privacy (living with the parents) for saving to live somewhere that I really WANT to live later on down the line (so that my son can be in a good school system).

The biggest issue is that I really don't feel that I have as much time with my baby boy as I would like. That is probably every great mother's plight. But this summer will provide for some quality time, and I am really doing my best to keep us in the car for less time than needed these days.

In life, we always have to give to get. But it's nothing that can't be done, that can't be worked on, that can't be compromised. I have faith that it will be what it should. Since no matter what, it's always "half and half." Six in one hand, half-a-dozen in the other. 50-50...You catch my drift... ;-)

Friday, April 3, 2015

As they come along

My newest struggle has been where to move this summer. Having a young child and being a mom that will be living on my own with him has really had me making some new considerations. Safety and proximity to his grandparents (paternal for daily/weekly childcare and maternal for other support) has been the focus. However, looming in the back of my mind is the school situation. Yes, we still have about 4+ good years until I have to make that transition, but I would like to set my son up with the best public school situation possible if need be. In a city, finding the right neighborhoods for doing so comes with a price.

So...do I really need to pay that price now? A friend of mine put it into perspective reminding me that a lot can happen in 4 years. "You could be married with another little one on the way by then, living out in the burbs again." Okay, so I wasn't counting on that per say, but she is right. Why would I pay a higher cost now for something that is so far down the line? With the money I cut from rent I could be saving for a new place, or even for private school. I have to keep all of that in mind.

The same goes for child care. Zavier's grandmother has volunteered to watch him free of charge when I go back to school next year. I am so thankful for her support and care, but I know that he will miss being with kids as he is now with the sitter. Therefore I've been looking into day care centers (near my job due to scheduling) for 2 days out of the week. The costs are UNBELIEVABLY EXPENSIVE! I was already aware, but then became FULLY aware after doing my research. And even though I have help from his dad, I still can't decide if the astronomical cost is worth it. Hmm...think I'm just going to have to get him into some type of kiddie classes or something. More research...

That being said, I think it's time to just keep thinking in the immediate future, and leave the the distant time to come there. I will let the chips fall where they fall, knowing that if it seems like too much work, it probably is. As I told that same friend, God lines things up for us nicely, in ways we may not have even fathomed. I'll stop trying to then, and instead try to recognize them as they come along.

Thursday, April 2, 2015

Anyway...

I honestly have a sickness: I applied for a summer job. I know, I know. I talked about "working smarter, not harder." And I still agree affirm that. In fact, the job that I applied for is only 6 hours per week and pays $35. The summer teaching program lasts just 5 weeks with 4 day weekends. Not too shabby...

But do I really need this job? No. I'm good financially and time with my son is still my primary focus for this summer. So I just need to sit back and get away from all things job search engine. Ha!

Besides, I still have 2 more online courses to finish for a pay increase next year, and a Spanish exam online grading position currently in the works. That should be more than enough to keep me going...

I'm just getting antsy. But come summer I will have lots to do like playing all over the city and looking for a new apartment. So with so much extracurricular work, who needs a job anyway?